AvecLion
March 16th, 2007, 08:32 PM
My oldest daughter is bipolar and refuses to take meds for it. My oldest daughter is bulimic and does not want treatment. My oldest daughter cuts herself and thinks it's OK. Her husband tells her she's fat. Her husband likes to party. Her husband hits her. Her three year old son cusses her out. Her three year old son thinks it's OK to hit Mommy. Her three year old son goes in the bathroom and pretends to throw up.
6 years ago, she swallowed a bottle of aspirin. She had to get her stomach pumped. She was committed for 2 weeks. Some of the things she told the counselors at the hospital weren't true. For example, her ex-stepfather would kick her in the face when he was wearing steel-boots. It happened - but not to her. It happened to me when I was pregnant with DJ. If you want or need proof of it, I have a police report. I have to wear a plate,because I lost most of my teeth because of that. The counselors didn't even talk to me - they just took her word. But she was diagnosed as bipolar and lithium was prescribed. She barely took it. We had a major battle over the meds and she took off. She quit school. She ran wild. When she didn't come home, I called the police. She told the police she didn't want to come back and I was told she didn't have to. She was 17.
A year later, she wanted her mom again. And so she started calling. I got the phone call when she found out she was pregnant, she wanted me to tell her what to do. I wouldn't - I told her it was her choice and only she would know what was best for herself. She moved in with her boyfriend and had the baby. J and I were losing our jobs, but tried to get them what we could for the baby. Within 6 months, she was upset with us and told me I had to choose between her or my husband. I refused to play her game and she told me I'd have nothing to do with her baby. Our relationship is a yo-yo. I'm her mother when it's convienent for her. She despises J, makes fun of him. One year she called me up and said Happy birthday mom, is your husband dead yet? Too bad, it would have made a great birthday present. In fact, that's what I want on my birthday.
Her father showed up out of the blue after 15 years. All of a sudden, she's daddy's girl and they have a relationship. She gets on Swan's case because Swan didn't want a relationship with him - he left when I was pregnant with Swan and showed up two years later for a drive by visit. He means nothing to Swan. But he's their dad. Oh, and it's OK that Daddy smokes pot and I'm bad for saying something to him about bringing drugs into my house. After all that, the freakin' bastard let them down yet again. Changed his phone number and doesn't answer emails. My dad and I had it out big time about 8 years ago, didn't talk to each other but patched things up 2 years later.
My dad came up for Thanksgiving to spend time with me and J and meet AnnaDot. I had invited all the kids over to see their grandfather. The oldest came - several hours late, Chase started acting up. I tried taking him upstairs to distract him, didn't work. He was throwing things in the house, pulling all the DVDs out, and when he was told No, he wouldn't stop. She got upset because J said Chase was out of control and needed discipline. She asked Swan and Soldier to take her home. She was upset that I didn't defend her and her son. I couldn't. He was out of control. And when she told me I didn't know anything about three years old - yes, I do. Not only did I have 5 of my own, I also taught preschool and have a degree in early childhood ed. Her dad left when she was almost 2 and stopped by for a visit 2 years later, then takes off for like 14-15 years without a word. It's OK to have a relationship with him. My parents divorced when I was about 10, I saw my dad, stayed in touch until we had our fight. She complains that who does my father think he is coming back into her life - umm, if it bothered you to see your grandfather for the first time since you chose to leave the house, you shouldn't have come.
She's a beautiful girl and her husband (she married her boyfriend last year) takes her out to bars. She wasn't 21 yet, but bouncers would let her in because she's good-looking. Then they both get drunk. And she gets flirty and he gets violent. She turned 21 and started partying more. So did he. And there was more violence. She left with a girlfirend, he chased them down and kept ramming the car. Things like that. She'd leave and leave their son with him. Having been in those shoes, I understand it's hard to end the relationship - but at the same time, when I was in those shoes, I never left my kids behind. They always came with me.
She calls me on my cel phone when I'm at work. Conversations that last 4+ hours. She blames me for everything wrong in her life. Wants me to say I knew this and I knew that -even though I told her I didn't know at the time. She gets mad because I tell her when she wrong about something. There are times she's told me things that I didn't know, and times she told me things that I knew didn't happen that way because I was there. I admitted both. I told her she needed to take responsibility for her own actions - I didn't owe her an apology. She tells me I'm not the mother she wanted and I should feel bad. Then she tells me I never loved her and if I did love her, I wouldn't have had more kids.
A week or so ago, they went out drinking and he hit her. She ran into a fast food restaurant to get away. The manager told her to leave. Apparently, the way she was dressed, they thought she was one of the hookers that hangs around for the truckers. She finally got a ride. Her face was bruised. She didn't come home for 2 days and her husband found her staying with one of the guys she works with. Swan found out, spent her last bit of cash to fill up the tank and go her. She came up here with her son. The next day, she had her husband come pick up their son and take him home. A few days later, she went back.
She called just after midnight Wednesday morning. I was home from work because I was really sick. I had just worken up because I was choking and couldn't breathe. I told her I was sick, she said she didn't care. She told me she had checked herself into a pysch ward. I asked her if she was still there. She said she checked herself out because she had work. But she was bipolar and had anxiety attacks and a disorder that started with M - she didn't know what it was. I asked her about meds and therapy, she said she had a number to call. Then she started telling me how much she hates me and the whole you're not the mom I wanted. She wanted me to confirm things that weren't true. I wouldn't. She told me I was lying to her about things that happened. She said I knew things were happening at the time (like my ex smoking crack - it was the mid 80s, this is a suburb, we really had no idea what crack was...and that's the truth) She told me I owe her an apology. So I told her I'm sorry that you don't want to hear the truth but I'm not going to lie to make you feel better. She was working herself up. She's upset that I went to a relative's house near where she lives on a holiday but didn't stop in - as Swan will tell you, I don't drop in uninvited, especially on a holiday. Then she insisted I was bipolar because it's passed from parent to child. I reminded her that her father said he was manic-depressive (the old term for bipolar) and she said I had to be because of the things that happened to me. I told her the truth. I went for counseling after my mom's husband raped me (back in middle school) and was discharged after 2 years. And I went for counselling after I left my ex, because I was depressed - thought I failed as a wife (even though it was an abusive relationship - guess that's the self-esteem issues they warn about) and how was I going to raise 5 kids on my own. And within a year, I was told I didn't need to come unless I wanted to continue. Sorry, no bipolar. Actually, I was told that I had a great outlook and was remarkably resilient. But that's not what she wanted to hear - she called me a liar and hung up.
Yesterday, Swan told me that the oldest was back in the psych ward. Involuntarily committed this time. Apparently, she cut herself so deep you could see muscle. And sat there and watched herself bleed. Her husband took her to the hospital. They were going to keep her at least for 24 horus. Well, now she'll be for at least the weekend. They're looking for a secure bed for her - afraid she'll rip out her stitches.
I'm not going to go see her. I can't. I'm probably the world's worst mom for saying this, but I have to pull back. For the last 7 or 8 years, this girl has been lashing out at me and I've been taking it, but I can't do it anymore. She's attempted to ruin my relationship with my husband by forcing me to choose her or him, she's damaged things between me and my mom. People who believed her have come to see she's delusional when she turned on them and included them in her accusations. Other people have noticed that it's always her - she'll spin everything so it's about her. I found out that when I called her to tell her we were in a car accident and I'd gotten hurt, she told everyone I made up a story about about a crash so I wouldn't have to see her and Chase. She's shown up uninvited at relative's house and made a scene outside. She's hurt me and J over and over and over again and we always let her. Now I just can't take it anymore. I'm not saying I don't care, because I do. But I can't keep going through this. As awful as it sounds, I need to do what I have to do to keep myself sane and healthy. Nothing I've done or tried to do was ever enough and I don't think anything will be. I'm not the only one. Kai is also done. We talked about it Wed. night, before we knew about this last incident. Swan is reaching that point as well. Bree doesn't bother with her at all.
I want them to keep her. I want her to be in therapy. I want her to take her meds. I want her to get better. But unless she wants it, it won't happen. I've reached the end of my rope and don't know what to do anymore. I promised myself when I left my ex that I was never going to let anyone abuse me or take advantage of me again. I just never thought that I'd be talking about my child when I said that.
6 years ago, she swallowed a bottle of aspirin. She had to get her stomach pumped. She was committed for 2 weeks. Some of the things she told the counselors at the hospital weren't true. For example, her ex-stepfather would kick her in the face when he was wearing steel-boots. It happened - but not to her. It happened to me when I was pregnant with DJ. If you want or need proof of it, I have a police report. I have to wear a plate,because I lost most of my teeth because of that. The counselors didn't even talk to me - they just took her word. But she was diagnosed as bipolar and lithium was prescribed. She barely took it. We had a major battle over the meds and she took off. She quit school. She ran wild. When she didn't come home, I called the police. She told the police she didn't want to come back and I was told she didn't have to. She was 17.
A year later, she wanted her mom again. And so she started calling. I got the phone call when she found out she was pregnant, she wanted me to tell her what to do. I wouldn't - I told her it was her choice and only she would know what was best for herself. She moved in with her boyfriend and had the baby. J and I were losing our jobs, but tried to get them what we could for the baby. Within 6 months, she was upset with us and told me I had to choose between her or my husband. I refused to play her game and she told me I'd have nothing to do with her baby. Our relationship is a yo-yo. I'm her mother when it's convienent for her. She despises J, makes fun of him. One year she called me up and said Happy birthday mom, is your husband dead yet? Too bad, it would have made a great birthday present. In fact, that's what I want on my birthday.
Her father showed up out of the blue after 15 years. All of a sudden, she's daddy's girl and they have a relationship. She gets on Swan's case because Swan didn't want a relationship with him - he left when I was pregnant with Swan and showed up two years later for a drive by visit. He means nothing to Swan. But he's their dad. Oh, and it's OK that Daddy smokes pot and I'm bad for saying something to him about bringing drugs into my house. After all that, the freakin' bastard let them down yet again. Changed his phone number and doesn't answer emails. My dad and I had it out big time about 8 years ago, didn't talk to each other but patched things up 2 years later.
My dad came up for Thanksgiving to spend time with me and J and meet AnnaDot. I had invited all the kids over to see their grandfather. The oldest came - several hours late, Chase started acting up. I tried taking him upstairs to distract him, didn't work. He was throwing things in the house, pulling all the DVDs out, and when he was told No, he wouldn't stop. She got upset because J said Chase was out of control and needed discipline. She asked Swan and Soldier to take her home. She was upset that I didn't defend her and her son. I couldn't. He was out of control. And when she told me I didn't know anything about three years old - yes, I do. Not only did I have 5 of my own, I also taught preschool and have a degree in early childhood ed. Her dad left when she was almost 2 and stopped by for a visit 2 years later, then takes off for like 14-15 years without a word. It's OK to have a relationship with him. My parents divorced when I was about 10, I saw my dad, stayed in touch until we had our fight. She complains that who does my father think he is coming back into her life - umm, if it bothered you to see your grandfather for the first time since you chose to leave the house, you shouldn't have come.
She's a beautiful girl and her husband (she married her boyfriend last year) takes her out to bars. She wasn't 21 yet, but bouncers would let her in because she's good-looking. Then they both get drunk. And she gets flirty and he gets violent. She turned 21 and started partying more. So did he. And there was more violence. She left with a girlfirend, he chased them down and kept ramming the car. Things like that. She'd leave and leave their son with him. Having been in those shoes, I understand it's hard to end the relationship - but at the same time, when I was in those shoes, I never left my kids behind. They always came with me.
She calls me on my cel phone when I'm at work. Conversations that last 4+ hours. She blames me for everything wrong in her life. Wants me to say I knew this and I knew that -even though I told her I didn't know at the time. She gets mad because I tell her when she wrong about something. There are times she's told me things that I didn't know, and times she told me things that I knew didn't happen that way because I was there. I admitted both. I told her she needed to take responsibility for her own actions - I didn't owe her an apology. She tells me I'm not the mother she wanted and I should feel bad. Then she tells me I never loved her and if I did love her, I wouldn't have had more kids.
A week or so ago, they went out drinking and he hit her. She ran into a fast food restaurant to get away. The manager told her to leave. Apparently, the way she was dressed, they thought she was one of the hookers that hangs around for the truckers. She finally got a ride. Her face was bruised. She didn't come home for 2 days and her husband found her staying with one of the guys she works with. Swan found out, spent her last bit of cash to fill up the tank and go her. She came up here with her son. The next day, she had her husband come pick up their son and take him home. A few days later, she went back.
She called just after midnight Wednesday morning. I was home from work because I was really sick. I had just worken up because I was choking and couldn't breathe. I told her I was sick, she said she didn't care. She told me she had checked herself into a pysch ward. I asked her if she was still there. She said she checked herself out because she had work. But she was bipolar and had anxiety attacks and a disorder that started with M - she didn't know what it was. I asked her about meds and therapy, she said she had a number to call. Then she started telling me how much she hates me and the whole you're not the mom I wanted. She wanted me to confirm things that weren't true. I wouldn't. She told me I was lying to her about things that happened. She said I knew things were happening at the time (like my ex smoking crack - it was the mid 80s, this is a suburb, we really had no idea what crack was...and that's the truth) She told me I owe her an apology. So I told her I'm sorry that you don't want to hear the truth but I'm not going to lie to make you feel better. She was working herself up. She's upset that I went to a relative's house near where she lives on a holiday but didn't stop in - as Swan will tell you, I don't drop in uninvited, especially on a holiday. Then she insisted I was bipolar because it's passed from parent to child. I reminded her that her father said he was manic-depressive (the old term for bipolar) and she said I had to be because of the things that happened to me. I told her the truth. I went for counseling after my mom's husband raped me (back in middle school) and was discharged after 2 years. And I went for counselling after I left my ex, because I was depressed - thought I failed as a wife (even though it was an abusive relationship - guess that's the self-esteem issues they warn about) and how was I going to raise 5 kids on my own. And within a year, I was told I didn't need to come unless I wanted to continue. Sorry, no bipolar. Actually, I was told that I had a great outlook and was remarkably resilient. But that's not what she wanted to hear - she called me a liar and hung up.
Yesterday, Swan told me that the oldest was back in the psych ward. Involuntarily committed this time. Apparently, she cut herself so deep you could see muscle. And sat there and watched herself bleed. Her husband took her to the hospital. They were going to keep her at least for 24 horus. Well, now she'll be for at least the weekend. They're looking for a secure bed for her - afraid she'll rip out her stitches.
I'm not going to go see her. I can't. I'm probably the world's worst mom for saying this, but I have to pull back. For the last 7 or 8 years, this girl has been lashing out at me and I've been taking it, but I can't do it anymore. She's attempted to ruin my relationship with my husband by forcing me to choose her or him, she's damaged things between me and my mom. People who believed her have come to see she's delusional when she turned on them and included them in her accusations. Other people have noticed that it's always her - she'll spin everything so it's about her. I found out that when I called her to tell her we were in a car accident and I'd gotten hurt, she told everyone I made up a story about about a crash so I wouldn't have to see her and Chase. She's shown up uninvited at relative's house and made a scene outside. She's hurt me and J over and over and over again and we always let her. Now I just can't take it anymore. I'm not saying I don't care, because I do. But I can't keep going through this. As awful as it sounds, I need to do what I have to do to keep myself sane and healthy. Nothing I've done or tried to do was ever enough and I don't think anything will be. I'm not the only one. Kai is also done. We talked about it Wed. night, before we knew about this last incident. Swan is reaching that point as well. Bree doesn't bother with her at all.
I want them to keep her. I want her to be in therapy. I want her to take her meds. I want her to get better. But unless she wants it, it won't happen. I've reached the end of my rope and don't know what to do anymore. I promised myself when I left my ex that I was never going to let anyone abuse me or take advantage of me again. I just never thought that I'd be talking about my child when I said that.