Insurance Lesson

[Gabby]

Let's just start the story with the fact that life for MrGabby is not exactly stress-free with the troubles at GM. He's had better months. Between the cat deciding that his box is no longer an acceptable place to pee, baseball four nights a week, and normal life-stress his patience is wearing pretty thin. It's about to get worse.

This morning, I was drying my hair when I heard the sound of crashing glass followed by the scream of "OH MY GOD!" My fear was that one of the boys had gone through the glass door since when I'd last seen them they were playing baseball w/a sock and a toy bat.

Well...they were perfectly safe, but the 50" TV that my husband loves had a large hole through it where a bat had gone in.

I called to see if insurance would cover it -- nope. Accidental damage to homeowner's property by the homeowner or his/her family is not covered.

Now, I need to decide how long to wait to tell MrGabby. I think it's best to wait until he gets home. If I had an extra $2000, I'd just go buy one, but that's not going to happen.

I'm laughing about it, but I don't think he's going to find it quite as funny.:luck:

[Irishlass]

OMG, I'm sorry, but I am laughing. I have this mental picture of two young boys reacting to the situation. I can only imagine what was, and is, going through their heads as they realize Dad has to be told. Thank God they didn't get cut by the flying glass.

Don't even get me started on insurance companies right now. We are still dealing with our lightening strike claim. They finally sent us a check for the electrical repairs. I still don't have a working stove........the control panel is on national back order, whatever that means. Finally, last week they agreed to buy me a new stove, but I'm still waiting for a call about a delivery time on that. We have been taking small trips the past week and a half. I wasn't up to a nonstop week of vacation so we have taken a couple of mini trips. When we got home from the first one our power had been off and everything in my refrigerator and freezer had to be pitched. The outage was due to damage to our underground line coming into the house. The lightening had blown a hole in the protective coating on the line and moisture had gotten to the wires and corroded them. We contacted the insurance company about the food loss and guess what..............since we had already filed a claim on the initial damage and had been paid, this is considered a new claim. As a new claim, the $500.00 deductible applies again and I get nothing for the food we lost.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I wish you well in telling Mr. Gabby. I'll be thinkin' about you.

[Gabby]

Watch out for those "new claim" totals. From what I understand, if you file three claims in three years, you may lose your insurance. Then, another company will consider you "high risk" and you'll be hosed. Nevermind that you've probably had insurance for many years without ANY claims. :burnup:

[Virgo6]

Oh Gabby, I don't envy you telling your husband. I have to admit I kind of laughed too. Not at you of course, but the situation. Oh, I can relate.
I was always either fixing something the kids broke before their father came home or I acted like a buffer between him and whoever did the deed. Once when my son was a teen and really ticked at his father he went into his bedroom (which is now my computer room) and punched a hole in the wall.
That was some job to fix, but to this day my husband has no clue it happened. I cut a chunk of old wallboard from some scraps in the basement and God only knows how I did it but I plastered it in so well. But you have a way different problem and one that costs ALOT of money. I feel for ya.

Now my bit about insurance. My youngest daughter has ulcerative colitis and her insurance just told her they will not pay for her medication anymore because she is over the $3,000 drug limit. Well, is it her fault the drugs cost more than an arm and a leg and she needs to take quite a few a day.
Her dr. called her insurance and I guess got no where. He is livid over this and is giving her samples, but only when he can. She can't afford all these medications and I offered to help her but knowing we are on a fixed income she won't take it. People have mentioned checking with the company that makes them but its a small company in Europe. Canada isn't much cheaper.
And homeowner's insurance is just as bad. Because we live on an island all the big companies cancelled everyone's insurance so we had to find another one and pay much higher premiums. All because of hurricanes.
Greed, its all greed. Something has to be done about these companies.
Good luck Gab. Hope you are making his favorite dinner tonight..........you might want to send the boys to bed early and set the table with candles or invite people over so when you tell him he can't make a scene. LOL

[Fuel]

I would not want to be one of the boys tonight. At least they didn't get hurt. Reminds me of the commerical based on Wii, Guy is swinging the bat, and he says now throw me a pitch and the guy throws the controller at the plasma shattering it.


I am so lucky I have good health insurance. My MS meds cost $26,000 a year, I pay $1000. I wouldn't be surprised if all my meds approached $40,000 a year.

[frawniemae]

I think we all have insurance stories so I won't bore you with mine. Just know that I :grind:HATE :grind:dealing with insurance companies but I thank God I have it when it is all said and done!

I hope the evening went well, Gabby. My guess is baseball is banned from indoors now?!?

[Gabby]

MrGabby didn't see any humor in the situation. :(

He wants me to look into getting it fixed...which I will do today. I don't think that it will be any cheaper than buying a new set. When I called our local appliance store to crunch numbers, I was informed that had we purchased the extended warranty, they'd be giving us a new set. :rolleyes: We never purchase those things.

I watched the Tigers yesterday and Galaraga pitched a perfect game through six innings. I kept thinking that if he finishes perfect, I'll have to credit the hole in the tv and would be watching the rest of the season with a hole. ;) (KC broke it up in the seventh)

[spf15]

Ouch! I really doubt the repair scenario. Good luck, though.

[Gabby]

Just as I suspected - the estimated repair cost is $1500. A replacement TV (same size, but improved technology) is about $1400.

[Fuel]

So, you got a new TV today?

[Virgo6]

Good luck with the NEW tv and hide those bats. How did you end up telling Mr. Gabby?

[Gabby]

I wish it was that easy!

MrG did SIX FREAKIN' MONTHS of research before he bought the last one. If it was up to me, I'd just go with what the guy downtown recommends and be done with it. The price is good. Online reviews are good. What else do you need to know???? :biglaugh:

[Gabby]

LOL -- Virgo and I posted at the same time.

I decided to email him at the end of the day. I put "Bad News -- no one hurt" in the subject line. I figured he needed some time too get his emotions in check before he walked in.

[Slitter]

Whoa! I'm reading this late and was wondering as I went along how it was going to turn out. I bet the boys were shaking in their boots all day. I'm guessing the indoor baseball league is no more.

I had to laugh though about the dilemma you'd have been in if that game had gone on to be a perfect game in the books. You'd have had that TV for the next 15 years! :lol2:

I guess tvs have changed enough since you bought it that all the original research is now invalid, huh? Good luck.

[Mouse9]

Wow!

My kids would be "grounded for life" ... really.

It is a no-no to toss or throw anything in the house. Of course my kids are older than yours.

We'd probably have a credit account arranged for them to pay us back, little-by-little. Especially since the insurance doesn't pay for it to be replaced.

I'm sure this wouldn't be feasible for your children, but my two are at the age they are thinking of getting part-time jobs. We probably would put it away for college, anyway, instead of keeping it for ourselves.

[Gabby]

You're a lot tougher than me! :)

My kids are old enough to know not to throw AT the TV, but they've been encouraged to "toss" balls indoors since they were very little. MrG is a big "hand eye coordination" guy who believes that a ball in the air is a better teaching tool than anything. He's been known to hit golf balls in the house...so there's no rule against any of this! :)

I did notice that Charlie does not argue about whose turn it is to watch tv though. If Daddy wants to watch, Charlie lets him. :D

[frawniemae]

He's been known to hit golf balls in the house...so there's no rule against any of this!

And to think, I was hesitant to let my son have a nerf gun in the house!

FWIW mine would be helping "pay" for the new tv somehow. Scrubbing baseboards, organizing the cupboard, washing the car (no, wait, that would be fun with a water hose...no fun allowed on this one. The more boring the "payment" method, the better.) But I've always been the "mean" mom.

I'm sure your boys know that breaking stuff isn't okay. And I know they certainly didn't mean to! I bet MrGabby has control of the remote for some time to come!:)

[Mouse9]

To clarify why we are more tough...

In our house, and with our son, if ANYTHING could go wrong, it will. That is why we made that rule. Of course, this was after at least two lamps were demolished (at two different times) by throwing balls.

It was be tougher or not have any lamps in our house. My son doesn't have a lamp in his room, even now that he is 15, because of those reasons plus his love of burning things.

Two lamp shades have burnt because he put the shade on it incorrectly. Another time he put a plastic toy on to the bulb and started burning that plastic. Fortunately I smelled it before a fire broke out in all three cases.

Needless to say, any house we live in has to have overhead lights in the bedrooms to accommodate my son because he isn't getting a bedside lamp anymore.

[pocket]

It's ancient history now, but our kids were forbidden to toss balls in the house, or practice any sports moves as well. They had all of outdoors for that. Breakage occurs and accidents happen even with rules in place. We've never lost anything as expensive as a huge TV, though. I'm sure that experience will stay with the kids forever.

[Fuel]

My kids are old enough to know not to throw AT the TV, but they've been encouraged to "toss" balls indoors since they were very little. MrG is a big "hand eye coordination" guy who believes that a ball in the air is a better teaching tool than anything. He's been known to hit golf balls in the house...so there's no rule against any of this! :)



Does he juggle? I have some juggling stuff that I haven't used since being diagnosed. Oh, I know! How about some juggling clubs!!! Just in case you want more broken stuff in the house. Those things hurt if you catch 'em wrong.

[Gabby]

LOL -- he can juggle. He's tried to teach the kids, but they aren't interested! Let's wait until we have the new TV (and probably the extended warranty) before we introduce more chaos!

[Slitter]

Those things hurt if you catch 'em wrong.

I bet they hurt if you don't catch them too! :eek:

I bet if you practice without shoes, you'd get quite good. ;)

[TigerLily]

I have to say - I'm surprised you don't have rule against throwing things in that room at the very least. My mom was also of the opinion that there was all that lovely space outside to play in. Unless whatever you were doing required being inside, outside was better. But throwing in the house was a definite no-no. I can see the coordination thing - but throwing a ball back and forth is quite different than throwing a ball, hoping the other will hit it. Even though we're all grown we're still not allowed in two rooms of my mom's house because there are breakables in it. They're "guest" rooms - rooms for special times or only when guests are over.

[Gabby]

:D

This is why God chose me to mother boys. I have no problem with throwing things in the house...at the house...at one another...just as long as it's not at me. I can't catch. ;)

[TigerLily]

Well, at least pick a different room. Maybe the kitchen? As long as the stove's not on, everything in there is pretty unbreakable.

[Mouse9]

I think you have the reason, Gabby. I had two brothers, but they played outside more than inside the house and us girls didn't throw anything (except maybe pillows in our bedrooms - and never at our lamps!!!).

My husband said it was probably a good thing you "broke" the news to your husband while he was still out of town. He could simmer down a little before seeing that there isn't a t.v. where it use to be.

Did he have much of a response once he got home? (Besides what you said earlier)?

[Gabby]

Not too much. We aren't going to buy a new TV for a while. You get used to the hole! :)

He was crabby about it, but all things considered, he took it well.

[Kramer]

Sorry to hear about the TV Gabby. Have you considered going to Costco to get a new TV? I just threw away my coupon book but they had coupons for TV's in there this month, which would make them even less expensive then normal. My sister has her coupon book still (I saw it on her dining room table this morning). If you are interested in going to Costco but don't have a membership, let me know! I can always meet you and we can go together and use my membership.

[Gabby]

Thanks for the offer but I didn't think they were any cheaper than anywhere else (I looked) and we've decided to take the Randy Pausch (Last Lecture) approach to this -- it works, so it doesn't HAVE to be replaced. :)

We'll consider a new one at Christmas (maybe).

[Kramer]

Thats great, I am glad that you are surviving without it (as normal). If you decide you need to go the Costco route, let me know if I can help you out! :hug2:

[Gabby]

I have promised Charlie that if he uses his plan at school all year (his behavior plan where he promises not to run away) I'll buy him a big screen for his room. He asked if I'd buy him a little one if he makes it 3 months! :rolleyes:

I may make the deal. ;)

[Fuel]

I'll buy him a big screen for his room.

With or without a baseball bat???

[Gabby]

Maybe we'll put it behind a plexiglass screen.

[pocket]

His behavior plan was not to run away? Does he run away often and where does he go? Or was this one of those empty promises because he never runs away?

[Gabby]

I guess I haven't really given a lot of information on Charlie's situation. He was diagnosed in Kindergarten with a General Anxiety Disorder. He also suffers from panic attacks. He has a biological reaction to anxiety that causes him to react in a fight or flight survival mode. Since "fight" is clearly against school rules, his only option is "flight."

Unfortunately, schools don't really think that having an elementary school child running down the middle of a busy downtown street is acceptable behavior either. Wonder why? ;)

He's worked very hard to control his behavior without having to take medications (most anxiety medications have a risk of suicide until adulthood that I'm not willing to gamble with). He sees a therapist and has a 504 plan at school. He is allowed to go to a safe-place at school anytime he needs a "time-out." The catch is that he has to let the adult know that he is going and sometimes he just goes. They don't know (for sure) where he is. We've worked on coming up with a plan that works for everyone. Problem is that nothing is really ideal. The school says that if he doesn't follow the plan (letting the adult know), then he has to go home for the day. I've tried to fight that because coming home (even with a loss of privileges) is 100X more appealing to Charlie than waiting the 10 seconds to get the attention of the adult. We're at an impass.

He hasn't left school grounds since 2nd grade (he's going into 4th) and has always gone to the Success Center (safe place) within minutes of leaving the classroom. I keep butting heads with the staff because I think that sending him home violates his "civil rights" under section 504 of the disabilities act. They don't agree. I don't want to bother with an attorney. Once he gets to the Success Center he is very good about bringing down his symptoms and either returning to class or sending for his work to complete in the center.

Whatever. I was sent this child to help me work with the handful I get every year. I just know it's in God's plan. I just wish it was easier to be on the mom side of it.

[pocket]

Charlie stories have been very sweet and entertaining in the past...I'd really hoped this was one of them. That feeling of fight or flight is awful. I'm glad he has a safe place at school where he can get a handle on his anxiety. Where is his safe place at home, or are home panic attacks rare? I can imagine your own panic when he left the safety of school grounds.... it's great that he has made progress in that regard. Heck yeah, if he manages to inform a teacher it this year, a nice little flat screen would be well worth it. Having that goal is a great incentive. I hope he makes it.

[Kramer]

Gabby :hugs: It does suck to be on the mom side of it but honestly, he is so blessed to have you for his mom because it sounds like you are being diligent and handling it with him and his input well.

Maybe you can make the option of being sent home less appealing? Like if he doesn't take the 10 seconds to tell an adult he is going to the Success Center then when he gets sent home, he is grounded. No TV, no playing, only dinner, homework, and early bedtime?

I am sure you thought about this and probably even tried it but if not, maybe making home a less desirable alternative would give him more incentive to make a better choice.

:hugs: to both of you. Keep us updated on how his school year goes.

[Gabby]

Where is his safe place at home, or are home panic attacks rare?

Extremely rare, but when he wants to flee (usually because I've made him really mad) I just let him run. He runs around the block until he's exhausted and then comes home. He's too phobic to go any farther.

Maybe you can make the option of being sent home less appealing? Like if he doesn't take the 10 seconds to tell an adult he is going to the Success Center then when he gets sent home, he is grounded. No TV, no playing, only dinner, homework, and early bedtime?


He has a no friends (which isn't a big deal because he doesn't have any in the neighborhood) and no screen-time rule when he's sent home. It doesn't work as a deterant though. He isn't completely capable of making good decisions in a heightened state. He can usually say "what should have been done" but he can't always do it.

Rewards work the best, but then you get in the catch-22 of him manipulating us (mostly me) to set up a reward by doing something bad. Rewards also cause their own set of anxieties because he worries that he'll "never get it."

I'm hoping that the fourth-grade teacher will be a little less black/white on using the plan. Last year's teacher was a newbie and was so worried that she would "get in trouble" for not being able to handle Charlie that she went out of her way to put the blame on him. We even caught her lying once about who was supervising him when he got in a situation in the hall. She blamed the PE teacher. When we called the PE teacher to ask for details, we were told that she was not even at school that day. :burnup: You'd think an adult would be a better liar. :rolleyes:

[Kramer]

Oh wow, I can't believe his teacher lied :eek: Well, I hope he has a much better teacher this year and maybe it won't be such an issue for him (you).

[frawniemae]

I didn't realize the extent of Charlie's challenges. It sounds like you've got a good attitude about it all (the reason God gave him to you, etc.) I hope this school year goes smoothly for everyone, especially for Charlie. He's got a great mom so that will help!

[Slitter]

Not a parent but I think the short plan with a smaller reward sounds best. Imagine him going almost all year then blowing it in May. That would deal a serious blow to his motivation. Plus it is hard for a kid that age to keep an eye on the long view. Positive reinforcement works best (according to what I have read) when it is frequent. Frequent and random actually, but random can't work in a deal like this.

Maybe you could string several shorter goals with an overall reward if he meets 6 or 7 out of 9 or whatever. Maybe it's the tv or maybe it is something else. It would give him both an out if he messes up a couple of times but would also be an extra motivator to string together the smaller goals as much as he can.

When will schools figure out that being sent home is desirable in the minds of the student? How obvious is that anyway? I imagine if someone was to poll students on the question "Would you rather be in school today or at home?" the answers would largely favor "At home."

[svecki]

Gabby I give you so much credit for all the patience you show. One of my older boys was ADD and when we put him on meds he turned into a zombie so we took him off and did our best to handle the situation ourselves. I did not have a lot of patience at that time and I think it showed in the struggles he had in school. By the time he was in HS the teachers said they just were working with the LD kids so they could function outside of school. No plans for long term for these kids. That was really frustrating and Jason ended up quitting halfway thru his senior year. When he tuned 24 he got a job in a factory in Madison, has been there over 1 year and is leadman on his line filling in for boss when he is gone. He signed up and received his HS Diploma online graduating with a B average. So proud of him because of this. Also, him and his brother just went together and bought a house. So much for the school thinking he could only "function" after graduation.
Stay with Charlie and love him and cherish everything he goes thru because it only make himself and you that much stronger.

[Fuel]

Being bi-polar I can relate to Charlie. I get anxious very easily and had many "interesting" behaviors in school. The schools and my parents did nothing. Even though there is a long family history on both sides....I guess I never exibited the more extreme symtoms they had. Around his age it was flight, I missed many days of school. Then in HS it was fight, not with puches but lashing out verbally. I didn't seek out help on my own until I was in my early 20's. Today if anything it's flight. It took many years to sort of my problems. He has a long tough road in front in him, glad you are there to help him out.

[spf15]

I can see where it would be tough to "take the 10 seconds to notify the teacher", when that means having to a) interrupt whatever the teacher is doing, b) make a spectacle of yourself in front of the class to do so.

Is there anyway that an alternative contact plan could be provided: e.g. provide him a set of pre-printed cards in his backpack that say "I have gone to the SafePlace" and let him know that if he needs to go and cannot immediately tell the teacher, then it is OK to just put that on his desk and go? Obviously, the teacher would have to buy-off on this plan.

[Kramer]

Svecki, I am glad your son is doing well at his job! What a big step to go back and get his GHD, you must be really proud of him.

spf, I think that the card thing is a really good idea!

[Gabby]

Thanks everyone. It is so hard having a child with a mental illness. I forever feel like I'm being judged and it's nice to know that there are people out there who know that mental illness is real and it's not just "bad parenting."

Charlie is with the teacher I wanted, so that's good.

He had a card that he used as a pass last year (like spf's suggestion), but he didn't always have it with him (for art, music, PE...). It's something we're trying to tweak. I'm trying to think if there's some sort of two way light/switch that he could use to "check in" when he arrives. Light on = Charlie in Success Center. Charlie loves electronics and it might be cool to set it up himself.

Svecki -- I'm glad to hear that your son has found "his way." I wish it was easier for schools to help students like him be successful.

[Virgo6]

Both you, Gabby, and Svecki have to know that your children are very lucky to have caring, loving parents like you. Too many times children with problems get lost in the system and their parents either don't give a hoot or are too busy to get involved. My friend is a teacher's aid for children with special needs and she tells me some real heartbreaking stories. Sometimes the parents are just the opposite and interfere when they shouldn't and cause their child even more stress. Don't ever let anyone make you feel you are a bad parent. Let the people who judge you walk in your shoes for just one day and see how its like. Believe me I have beat myself up a few times over something one of my children did because I too felt I was being judged. Thank God good friends made me see the light.

[Crops]

Was thinking here Gabby (hey - hello everyone!)...

It might be very cool if you could find a way to get your son into track running. It's something you as a family could do (or his father or you with him as a ritual). Something he could do every night or a few nights a week at a local running track. I suggest this because I'm thinking about physiology and conditioning:

If you could get him into running, in essence you'd be replicating the some of the physiological states he experiences in his "flight" modes (endorphins, heart rate, etc...), only you'd be doing this without the anxiety part. Over time I would expect a gradual conditioning or association of this state with something positive - his experience as a runner. In some ways you'd be reorganizing his brain to experience these states differently -- certainly more positively with less fear and anxiety.

I'd consult an expert before taking any advice from me though, but I've done a lot of academic work on the brain and wonder if something like this might be an idea for you to try.

Good luck.

Crops

[UkraineMom]

Gabs there are tons of things here that are organized for kids that for other reasons cannot participate in "normal" activities let me know if you are interested... like a super cool sailing program... it is AMAZING! Calming and relaxing.... btw we have yet another thing in common my daughter has been diagnosed with attatchment disorder, anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder etc etc etc....

[Gabby]

Crops -- that's a great idea. We've recently switched him from baseball (which he loves, but is "all on him" when he's playing) to soccer. He's working on "shared responsibility." Running is probably a perfect match. I tried to get it in his 504 that he could run in the bus circle during school hours if he needed to, but that was shot down.

UKM -- I guess I know who to call when no one seems to understand! :hug2: